"An overreaction in the present is due to an
under-reaction in the past."
I think that
this quote provides a possible explanation to why those around us might have
difficulty understanding our behavior. We learn how to behave and interact with
other individuals based on their responses to our behavior. For instance, a
child learns which behaviors are right and wrong in relation to the reactions
they receive from their caregivers. If a parent is mad and reprimands a child
for a certain behavior, the child learns that this behavior is bad or wrong.
As adults, we
use the same process to interpret the relationships we build with those around
us. When someone upsets us for the first time, we might neglect to express how
much a situation upsets us. We fail to provide definitive explanations to
others in fear of overreacting in the first place. As humans, we also assume
that someone already knows how we might feel or observes that a situation makes
us feel uncomfortable.
Reactions are
easily misunderstood. I see this a lot when speaking with my girlfriends about
the issues in their relationships. Females, in particular, have the tendency to
assume that their significant other knows how they feel where men are equally
guilty of assuming that their significant other will tell them their feelings.
This is where the quote applies. It is important to clarify your feelings with
those you interact with. If a situation bothers you, don’t expect someone else
to notice or to understand. By not illuminating the affect a situation has on
us to the others involved, we are likely to be more upset when the same event
reoccurs. When we are upset, we have the tendency to overreact. This is unfair
to the other individual; though, the other individual must take responsibility
too. It is important for us to practice good communication by expressing our
needs and beliefs and actively listening to and observing those which whom we
interact.
